youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
