i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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