Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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