no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
