dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
