i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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