Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
