if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
