1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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