I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
