just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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