Pappa wants mamma naked
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
