Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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