if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
