Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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