I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
