It's like God shit irony all over that family
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
