I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
well you can't waste a boner
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
