Don't make out with my wife yet
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
