My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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