well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
