ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
