I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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