my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
