There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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