I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
