Betty ford says i'm here all night
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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