he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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