Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
