i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
