A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
