so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
