saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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