I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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