if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
