Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
