Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
