I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
