I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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