You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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