i don't like sucking hair
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
