and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
