I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
