Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
