i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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