i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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