Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize