she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
