I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
