i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
