I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
