I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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