Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you had me at cake vodka
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
