So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
