once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
