Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
