Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
