Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
