there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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