I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
