They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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