Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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