He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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