my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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