Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
