Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Still dying that you shit outside
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
