just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
