i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
