Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
