I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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