Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
