i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
