Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
