Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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